When to spank?

How long should you wait before you spank? That is a question I am sure many disciplinarians struggle with. For me it is pointless to spank Melia long after she has committed whatever infraction I am punishing her for. Melia would have long forgotten the actual incident and would not fully understand why she was being spanked. If discipline is required then it should be done as soon as possible and not left until later. There is an exception to this and this is when Melia is in one of her very negative moods where she hates her life and everything in it. She pushes me away when I try to help her. This is the part of her moods I find most hurtful. She doesn't have these moods very often and there are good explanations as to why she has them. She is still fairly young and is trying to find her way in the world. She is also a perfectionist who gets frustrated when things do not go to plan. I understand what she is going through. I was there too not that long ago. What gets to me is not that she feels this way but that she won't let me help her and guide her. She is very independent and stubborn to the point of pushing away anyone who tries to help her. I feel that is horribly unfair and disrespectful. We both agree that such an attitude needs addressing with some firm but fair discipline. When Melia is in that negative mindset it makes no sense to take her over my knee and give her a sore bottom. However I also do not want to leave it too long to spank her. In that case we are trying to come up with a solution whereby I will wait until she has calmed down and is willing to see that she has upset me and that she needs disciplined for that. Hopefully this will work and I will see a change in her.

I would like to add that the above makes it sound like Melia is very moody but in fact she only acts that way now and again. She is usually very childish and sometimes bratty, which also can result in a good spanking. She has recently taken to saying “I love ya” in a very childish way any time I seem remotely annoyed. This melts my heart but I am going to have to get over it if I am to give her some consistent discipline. Being cute should not be a way out of a well deserved spanking.

In this post I also want to thank those who have visited my blog from all around the world. I hope that some people will be able to relate to what I have been saying in this and previous posts. Feel free to say hello in the comments. I would also be interested to hear from other couples or people who are interested in the dynamics of a DD relationship.

The emotional aspect of spanking

Melia has a very high pain threshold. This can be both a curse and a blessing when you are a spanko. On one hand it means I can give long and hard spankings without it being too much for Melia. On the other hand it means that the spankings have a limited effect pain wise as Melia states that her bottom does not hurt at all just minutes after a spanking. Melia sometimes talks about how she would like to have a spanking that is so hard she would feel it for days afterwards. Melia's pain threshold is so great however that even 300 swats with the belt does not phase her at all. During the New Year holiday I gave her 2014 spanks to remind her to be good throughout the year. I used my hand, brush and belt. The swats were hard and during the spanking she wiggled and kicked. However afterwards she felt nothing more a dull throb on her bottom. I have spoken with Melia about the physical aspect of the spankings and she is as frustrated as me that, unlike many spankos, she does not really find spankings painful. A consequence of this is that she does not fear spankings.

We both discovered that spankings are more an emotional thing for us than physical. Melia feels most upset when she knows she has let me down or hurt me. I can give her a good hiding with my belt but a good five minute lecture will bring her to tears quicker than a tanned bottom will. What does this mean for our relationship? It means I have to work hard on improving my lecturing than how hard I spank or what I spank with. I am fairly quiet in real life and I am one of those people who tend to keep feelings inside me and not let it be known when I am upset or I feel disrespected. This can create a lot of tension in our relationship. I have learned over the years to speak up more. When I take Melia aside and sternly tell her that I love her but I won't tolerate how she is talking to me, I can see a change in her right away. Sometimes she will fight or refuse to accept that she is at fault. Sometimes I may let her calm down first but I will never leave it so long that she will have forgot what it is I am disciplining her for. Once Melia accepts that she has upset me, she becomes genuine remorseful and usually starts crying. Of course she gets a good bare bottom spanking but the most powerful part of the discipline process is the lecture. I love it when Melia cries. I don't find it erotic but rather I see it as Melia being genuinely sorry that she has hurt me and having a change of heart. Once the spanking is over, we hug and I reassure Melia again that I love her. When Melia upsets me she goes into a really negative mood where she feels that she is not good for me because of how she treats me. Part of the discipline process is letting her know that I love her as a person but I don't like her behavior sometimes. True love is showing a person you care enough to discipline them and help guide them. If I didn't love Melia I would just walk away from the situation. I don't want to walk away. I also don't want to sit and let Melia get away with being disrespectful because it will just allow anger to build up inside me. Instead I would rather just put her over my knee and show her I am in a charge and I won't tolerate her attitude. I think the emotional side of spanking is very underrated as certainly for Melia it is the most effective part of a spanking.

For many people the choice of implement reflects the seriousness of the spanking. When you hear the sound of the leather belt being unbuckled and slowly pull through the hoops of his jeans/trousers, you know you have overstepped the line and you will soon be lying over some pillows on the bed having you bare bottom soundly spanked. The belt is a very powerful implement. It has a very masculine image as opposed to say a hairbrush. There is something very manly about a husband taking off his belt to spank his errant wife. It is a very personal item unlike say a paddle. You aren't just being spanked with a belt, you are being spanked with HIS belt. Yet Melia also finds the idea of being spanked with her own belt oddly erotic. For us the power of the belt lies in the image it creates rather than how much pain it inflicts.

Many blogs talk about different types of spanking such as good girl spankings, bad girl spankings, punishment spankings and erotic spankings. For me there are two types of spanking. There is the spanking that is simply designed to be enjoyable for the spankee. This could be before or after sex or even as a “punishment” for playful bratting. The second type of spanking is the one which designed to illicit an emotional response from the spankee. It doesn't even have to be for an actual offense rather just a serious spanking to say “I am in charge”. These types of spankings can bring Melia to tears and when it happens we feel closer than ever.

I hope I have made sense. If you have any comments, good or bad, please feel free to post them.

Hello!

An Introduction

Hi everyone. Welcome to this brand spanking new (heh) blog called The Young Lady across my knee. Who is the young lady in question? My soulmate and the girl of my dreams Melia. Who am I? I am known as Knight. I won't bore you with endless facts about me or my life. In fact, this blog will never discuss my real life at all. Trust me, it isn't that interesting! This blog is about two important things in my life, my relationship with my partner and my interest in spanking. I aim to connect these two aspects of my life in a relationship dynamic called Domestic Discipline or DD.

What is Domestic Discipline?

The simple answer it is a relationship dynamic that incorporates consensual discipline that may include corporal punishment. Anything over and above that is down to the parties involved in the relationship. Lots of blogs out there will give a more specific description of DD. I feel that while this is useful to some, the beauty of Domestic Discipline is that it is a highly flexible dynamic that can be tailored to each couple.

What got you interested in Domestic Discipline?

Melia and I have been what I call “spankos” from a very young age. We may have been born that way but I don't wish to discuss the origins of certain fetishes. Many people have already explored that area quite well. Melia and I have accepted that we have this interest and it is not something to be ashamed of. We met each other a few years ago. Melia was 20 and had never been spanked before. I was older and had some spanking experience but it had never been a huge part of any relationship. When I met Melia it was as if the stars had aligned and all my dreams were coming true. I had met a girl who was honest, down to earth, beautiful, principled and also a spanko. We met on a spanking site. I wasn't really looking for someone at the time. One night I was sitting on my computer and I had this huge impulse to message this girl who had just joined the site. This was very uncharacteristic of me. She replied and we ended up speaking for a month before we met for a coffee. Yes I spanked her on the first date. I didn't intend too but she kept tickling me while sleeping but there is only a certain amount of bratting I can take. I put her over my knee, bared her bottom, gave her a good hiding with my hand and sent her to the corner. Then we hugged, talked, and slept side by side. We didn't have sex but that really did not matter at that point. The spanking to me was a great bonding experience. The closeness you can feel to someone after giving a good spanking is comparable to how you feel after sex. A few months later I was in fully fledged relationship with Melia.

You are probably thinking “hey this guy has it all” but relationships are hard work. I never take it for granted that I have Melia. We are both totally in love with each other. I love Melia so much I would give my life for her. Our relationship still has some issues though. Melia “craves” discipline. She needs to know that I am in charge and that she can depend on me to take the lead. When she doesn't get regular spankings she becomes restless and starts to feel insecure. On my side I feel that spanking allows me to unload certain tensions I have in my life. I like to feel that I am in control and that I can be there for Melia whenever she needs me. Discipline to me is an act of love. It is about showing someone you care enough about them that you want to discipline them. If Melia is being disrespectful then it is much more loving to give a good hard spanking on the bare bottom than to argue or even worse sulk for hours. A spanking (in our case) clears the air and allows us to reconnect with each other. Not all spankings are serious discipline spankings but they all have a connecting theme and that is bonding with my partner Melia. If I am not spanking her for discipline, I am spanking her to let her know that I am still in charge and that she can count on me to be there for her. It reassures her. I tell Melia I love her several times a day but a good spanking, for discipline or otherwise, shows her physically that I really care about her. Why is this an issue? The issue is that Melia finds it hard to submit easily. She will fight a spanking, even if her heart craves it, and sometimes she can say quite hurtful things that she later regrets. On my side I am not consistent enough and sometimes I will back off rather than follow through with my actions and give a good spanking if required. This creates problems as Melia craves discipline and if she doesn't have it she feels neglected and the relationship will suffer. I on the other hand feel that I need to reconnect with Melia and get frustrated with myself when I don't follow through. We still love and care about each other. The question is how do we resolve the discipline issue so that both our needs our met.

How Domestic Discipline work for us?

Domestic Discipline is different for everyone. The only set rules are that it is between consensual adults.

I intend our DD relationship to be based on the following principles:

1. It is consensual

This is a given. Melia agrees that she will be subject to my discipline. I will, however, sit down and work with her what I will discipline her for. I will also allow her to take a “time out” if she needs to before a spanking. Sometimes when Melia has a mood swing she simply cannot be disciplined and it would be counter productive to do so at the moment.

2. The main discipline method will be spanking

We are both spankos so we both feel that spanking is the best discipline method and allows us to connect with each other on an emotional and physical level. Other punishments such as corner time, writing lines, or soap in the mouth are not for us. That is not to say they should not be used in a DD relationship, in our case it just doesn't work. I feel that other punishments can be used with Melia but they have to fit the crime and not just be punishments for punishments sake. You cannot learn much from soap in the mouth other than it is quite yucky. Spanking, while painful, allows the spankee to bond with the spanker. When Melia is sitting on the bed with a red bottom, she is not just feeling that her bum is on fire, she is feeling like the most loved girl in the world. That is why I feel spanking works wonders and is my preferred discipline method.

3. It will have not have any major elements of BDSM

I don't judge people who are into BDSM. Anything between consenting adults is fine and I have a lot of respect for that lifestyle. BDSM just isn't for us. We are not into whips, chains or dungeons. All spanking implements will be personal items. That could meaning taking my black leather belt from my jeans, getting the wooden spoon from the drawer or even spanking Melia hard with the back of her own wooden hairbrush.

4. We will each have set roles

Neither of us switch. I am not a naturally dominant person. Melia isn't naturally submissive. In fact Melia can be quite bossy in real life. She doesn't let people push her around and I respect her for that. I am very laid back in real life but as I have grown older I have started to speak up for myself and not let people walk all over me. Can DD still work if we aren't naturally dominant or submissive? Of course. People have many qualities and I dislike labeling people as being either Dom or Sub. What DD will do, however is let the dominant and submissive sides of personalities come to the surface. DD will allow me to become more dominant and give me more confidence. It will allow Melia to become more submissive and to accept the discipline that her heart craves for, and to trust someone else to have the control. DD will enrich our relationship.

Is Domestic Discipline easy?

NO. It takes ALOT of hard work. The hard work will be worth it in the end though as the dynamic WILL improve our relationship and help us grow us people. It may take 10 days or 10 years. It does not matter. What matters is our willingness to make DD work for us and improve our already strong relationship.

Why did you write this blog?

This blog is not meant to be a guide on how to do DD. Hey I am barely a beginner myself, despite being a lifelong spanko. Instead it is a place to put my thoughts and feelings on the subject so I can help put my ideas into practice.

So welcome to my blog, Any comments, good or bad, are welcome and thanks for reading.

Knight